#6: Letting go of unrealistic timelines, and more
On being young, ambitious, and tired of chasing timelines I set for myself.
I'm a control freak. I want to know the what, where, how, and why of my life.
As you can imagine, trying to control my outcomes and know everything about the future now causes me a great deal of emotional anxiety, stress, and sometimes trauma.
The other day, I came across a piece of content where a few people shared how they’ve had to let go of the expectations they once had about reaching certain milestones early in life. It resonated deeply with me.
My education was faster and more unique than what’s typical. I started school from KG 2 because apparently, I knew too much at around 2 years old to start from KG 1. I was always one of the smartest in primary school, so I took my common entrance exams in Primary 4. Even though I barely passed, I jumped straight to JSS 1. That’s where everything took a turn. Suddenly, I started struggling with school. Being far from home didn’t help.
In SS1, I started to get better. I excelled at Maths and Economics, and sometimes Government. At 14, I was done with secondary school.
ASUU did their thing, yet I still had my first degree by 20. At 23, I’ve completed NYSC and an MSc., with about three years of corporate experience under my belt.
Obviously, there’s been a trajectory of speed, which I’ve come to expect to continue. But this pressure I’ve put on myself — to achieve things at a certain age — is doing more harm than good. This expectation that good things should happen faster for me than they typically do for others is starting to feel unrealistic.
It often robs me of the ability to enjoy the process, to take stock of my growth, and to evaluate how far I’ve come.
I had a conversation with my friend Bolu this morning. As usual, I was ranting to him about work.
See, I like working in PR. It’s a lot of pressure, but I genuinely like the work — even when I don’t enjoy it. I’m fascinated by how we have the responsibility, as PR practitioners, to build and sustain the reputation of top brands. In my company’s case, that means brands like Netflix, Oando, NNPC, Aradel Holdings, the Gates Foundation, WISCAR, FREEE Recycle, VISA, and more.
However, most times, I want to tap out. It’s a lot of learning at once. I have to learn how to do my job well, manage my relationships with colleagues, build solid relationships with journalists (who can be very frustrating), and navigate dynamics with my boss and team lead. Honestly, it gets hard, and I just want to run away.
So when my friend told me to take it easy and give myself grace, I felt seen. Everything he said made me realize that the decades of experience I’ll be able to boast about in the future are being shaped by what I’m going through now. The solid advice I’ll be able to give younger professionals one day will be built on how I handle these current situations and the lessons I draw from them.
He said, “Just do your job, and do it well.”
This paragraph from Ifeoma B. Nwobu’s newsletter sums up everything I’ve been trying to say in this piece:
"Bolu, the greater your vision, the farther things will appear and the blurrier your immediate sight of what will be, will be. You were never meant to know it all, all at once. You were not always meant to plan. Sometimes, your biggest duty is simply to participate. And that is your advantage — to be able to submit to a process and discover entire truths in parts. Run with it, instead of resisting. It is one of the ways you will be free from the gruesome hold of anxiety and the fear of not knowing what, why, or how."
As I resume work tomorrow, I’ll remember that I have just one responsibility: to do my job and do it well.
Life gets somehow, especially since we’re doing this for the first time. Unlike school exams, there’s no resitting this one. Once you fail at it, that’s the end. Or at least, that’s what it feels like.
But as my queen rightly said:
"Ultimately, those who win are those who have learned to walk steady in the midst of contradictions, because somehow it creates in them an unusual capacity to act on the little nudges and follow the still small voices even when uncertainty abounds. Especially when uncertainty abounds."